When Someone You Love Writes Fanfic

a public service announcement for the holidays, and every day

Congratulations, your spouse has told you they write fanfic. That’s awesome! It means your spouse trusts you to be interested in their hobbies and wants to share something they’re putting a lot of work into with you. Sounds like you’re already winning in the spouse department!

Maybe you want to talk about your spouse’s hobby. You may be proud of your spouse’s creativity and talent, or you may just belong to a family that often talks about what everybody is spending their time on. That’s a great impulse, but…

Here’s the thing about fanfic.

It’s still a pretty niche hobby. People view it very, very differently depending on how they hear about it, and it’s hard to know what people say. And even if they enjoy it and are interested in reading smutty romance and all of that… its still a lot to suddenly find yourself discussing with your mother-in-law.

No matter how laid back your family is, nobody wants to be surprised by a conversation about the inappropriate use of shadows while digging into cranberry sauce.

Please think of fanfic like Fight Club. The first rule is you don’t talk about it without clearing it with the writer. The second rule is you don’t talk about it without clearing it with the writer.

While not all fanfic is smut, and not all smut is something the author would do in real life, a good bar for judgement is to ask yourself: would my partner want me to tell this person about our sex life in detail? It’s not an exact metaphor, of course, but it’s a good starting place. A good way to calibrate your thought process until you get more familiar with your spouse’s comfort level.

In general, follow their lead or ask them what they’re comfortable with them sharing. Be willing to step back if they ask you to step back. You can be proud of your talented spouse without dropping references to it in every conversation you have. I know it’s hard not to talk about your amazing spouse! I get it, my spouse is amazing too!

But if you care that much, I know you also want your amazing spouse to be comfortable. By talking to them, you may find there is something they’ve written they’re comfortable with you sharing even if it’s not everything, or they may be okay with you talking about it but want you to deflect if your sister says she wants to read their smut or however the conversation goes.

Or maybe they don’t want you to bring it up at all. You can still be proud of them.

Just ask before sharing. Please. Think of the poor cranberry sauce.