Jack of Many Trades

ADHD and gender thoughts

Originally posted: 2021-07-21

The problem with this is, ADHDers are used to screwing up and letting people down. It sucks. Not only do judge-y I statements put us on the defensive, they plant the idea that we already have a negative balance with you. We not only need to live up to current expectations — already a source of anxiety — we need to make up for past offenses. Our fear of not measuring up can keep us from trying at all.

-from What to say instead of "I feel like you don't care the house is a mess."

Sometimes I feel like I transitioned at exactly the worst moment for an ADHD diagnosis, because a) I was looking for a quick solution because Baby, so I took the first option my doctor gave me and I accepted that it helped some so it must be the solution and b) I feel like articles about "ADHD in Women" started multiplying right around the time when I stopped trying to think of myself as a woman, despite the fact that obviously I grew up being treated like a girl.

I still have a hard time reconciling that, see also literally any article about men and emotional labor or the division of household labor makes me feel like I'm not doing enough.

But I joined a bunch of groups that aren't explicitly gendered but are primarily women, mostly cleaning groups for people who aren't good at cleaning, and it's been really helpful to see ADHD discussed in the way that it primarily manifests in women but without the people doing the writing feeling the need to append FOR WOMEN to every sentence.

But ugh that paragraph up there is just such a mood of putting my hangups in words in front of my face and I hate how accurate it is.