Jack of Many Trades

Growth Mindset

Originally posted: 2019-10-11

Yesterday I decided to map out the rest of the year, as I'd already scheduled two dental appointments and two doctor's appointments and was about to call to schedule a fifth. I drew the lines and wrote in the numbers, and then I went back to fill in the letters to indicate the day of the week, and then I started adding in the appointments.

And then I realized I'd missed November 11th, somehow, and so a month and a half was wrong.

I tried to just write in new numbers over the old, telling myself I'd live with it, but that just made it worse.

I considered flinging the entire notebook into the sun, or at least getting a new one, but that seemed like such a waste.

I said as much to P and I was reminded that I'm supposed to be working on a growth mindset instead of a... giving up in despair mindset I guess. It's like exposure therapy. Every time I open my planner.

They suggested wite-out. I decided instead I'd make it an excuse to use the janky Steven Universe stickers I bought on Wish.

Is it srs and adult and professional? Nope. But I like stickers and I'm always trying to make my peace with good enough.

I've been an on-again, off-again mess. I am stymied on the house stuff in general because I did a bunch of househunting spellwork and we got close and then... nothing came of it.

And then the apartment is... I feel like the more I try to work with the place, the faster it gets away from me. I don't know how to fix it. I'd like to think moving would fix it but I don't actually think it would either. Maybe I need to get the house clean and keep it clean and make that relationship with the house spirits work, and then we can get somewhere?

I just wish I could shake the feeling that I'm running out of time. You'd think adding more pages in my planner would help with that.