Jack of Many Trades

G is for Garcia, and Guidance

Originally posted: 2013-03-30

I have a very... chaotic relationship with Order.

I haven't shied away from talking about my OCD on this blog. As you might guess, I crave order. I feel like it should be there, like if I was just good enough and did all the right things somehow I would be good enough and Order would work for me.

I seek after it, though.

Right now I see Order in the Weaver - the one who turns fiber into yarn and yarn into the very weave of the universe, the warp and weft of fate and destiny. I associate the Weaver with spiders and webs as well. Lately, the name I've been invoking for Mistress of the Web is Garcia.

Do you watch Criminal Minds? We're wandering into chaos magic territory again, ironically. Garcia is an information specialist, hacker, and essentially oracle for the team. Because it's TV, she has access to an amazing depth and breadth of information, which she sorts and analyzes to find the killer needle in the haystack.

You see why she's so perfect a name, right?

Order just happens to be an area where I have a lot of archetypes - The Alchemist, the Architect. Order appeals to me. I don't understand it, the way I understand Chaos. But I want to. I reach out to it.

I make my lists and I collate my data. I trust my systems because I have to, because I cannot trust myself. I need that level of guidance to come from outside myself.

I look to my gods for a lot of things. Guidance is a big part of it - having faith that they care about and control at least some parts of my life makes it easier for me to function. I don't have to worry about psychic hygiene as much anymore; Odin or Mara let me know when I need to be concerned, and the rest of the time I can stick to the basics. I struggle less with scrupulosity; I stick with gods I trust to be upfront with me and have my back. Trusting their guidance is like trusting my system. It means I can relax, just a little.