I come before you on the day of Mars in the hour of Mars and ask your guidance and inspiration...
I do this thing. I narrate. I do it a lot, especially magical stuff lately. I've gotten to a point where I'm hyper-aware of this blog. Even if it's only a small audience, I think about how I'm going to write things up.
I don't usually start a project that way. When I started this one, I decided to post it in the interest of getting over my hangups about posting. But by the time I got to Friday, I was thinking about how I was going to write about it even as I was meditating. I think that's one of the reasons Freya got short with me.
Tonight I went in distracted. I got up early so I could leave work early. We went to a druid potluck for Lughnasadh. I got home all of ten minutes before the Hour of Mars commenced. I sat down anyway, because sucking it up and doing the work is something I'm working on.
It started off pretty well, Tyr talking to me about the energies of Mars. Wrath is pretty much my cardinal sin, so that's a thing I've spent a lot of time with in the last couple of years. Plus I'm learning not to wear my feelings on my sleeve at work, strategizing to stay ahead of my coworkers while still being supportive and never letting that friend-face slip, and that kind of supporting-while-still-winning is Mars work.
Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, I started rephrasing everything I thought or saw as I was thinking it, two or three times, just repeating.
Tyr called me on it, because that's what he does. I apologized, but I couldn't stop doing it. He told me to come back when I wasn't worried about my audience.
I'm too close to done to give up, but I am really wondering what I'm getting out of this.