Jack of Many Trades

Getting Carded

Originally posted: 2012-05-30

A friend of mine made a post recently where she mentioned using this tarot spread, which is meant to help with finding/clarifying your niche in life. And, well, that's a thing I've been struggling with lately, so I showed the layout to Amber and asked her to break out her cards.

I don't know if this is true for everyone, but for me, you can gauge how accurate a tarot reading is based on how much I am swearing at the deck. I was cursing like a sailor tonight.

I'll skip the sordid details, but just to give you an idea of how spot-on this layout was, it told me my weakness? Was research. In my defense, the universe keeps telling me to stop reading books, it doesn't tell me what to do in lieu of reading books.

What the cards did tell me was that I need to reach out to other people more and that I need to stop being afraid of investing time and money in myself. (Frex, we're not going to talk about how I'm not painting at the moment because I think the apartment is too small. Because I know that doesn't even make sense.)

I suspect the unwillingness to invest in myself comes from my parents, but in practice it ties into the OCD - perfectionism, specifically. If I can't guarantee I'll get "my money's worth" out of it, then I shouldn't bother doing it. Even if it's a skill I really want to learn, or the materials for a craft I want to complete. If I can't guarantee to myself that it'll be perfect, I talk myself out of it.

I need to stop doing that. I'm going to work on it.

The third thing it told me I needed to do as start referring to myself as what I'm striving to be, not what I do to pay the bills. I am not a finance planner. I do finance planning to pay the bills. I am a metal sculptor, and an artist, and a writer.

Now I just have to keep reminding myself of that.