In the darkness my heartbeat echoes, then is silent.
I stand before the first gate. Feathers and dust fall from my fingers. I pick up my gifts. There is doubt behind me, but none before me as I nod to the gatekeeper.
He says, "you must." I give him my ears. I step inside.
Here there is a tightrope walk of sinew. I make my way across. I cannot hear the wind howling.
I stand before the second gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my throat. I step inside.
This path is a maze through holes, through marrow. I cannot scream.
I stand before the third gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my tongue. I step inside.
This path is a whirlwind of dust. Though it fills my mouth, I cannot taste it.
I stand before the fourth gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my nose. I step inside.
Here there are bodies of every shape and stage of decay, rotting. I cannot smell the flesh.
I stand before the fifth gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my skin. I step inside.
Here there are coals, awkward and shifting under my feet. They may be hot or sharp. I cannot tell; I cannot feel them.
I stand before the sixth gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my eyes. I step inside.
This is a void. The unknown, to be crossed. There is darkness I cannot see.
I stand before the seventh gate and the gatekeeper says, "you must." I give him my heart. He places it in a jar and hands it back to me. I step inside.
Here there is a throne. Here there is a table adorned with dust. Here there are servants adorned with feathers.
My lady Dark, my dear Ereshkigal, sits on her throne.
I kneel before her.
"Lady, though you have come to me a hundred times on wings and whispers, I come to you now. I will go where you send me only set me on the path. I will say what you will me only give me the words. I will do as you bid me only show me a plan."
I laid my head in the dust at her feet and I waited.
"Do you know of whom you ask this?" she says, finally.
"I ask it of you, my Lady, Ereshkigal called Irkalla, Queen of the Land Below, wife of Nergal, master of Namtar, who once knew the sky and was brought below, who is now the mistress of bones, the ruler of the lands of dust and feathers, who sits in judgement of the gods below, who keeps the dead and turns the seasons and ends all things."
I stand before her throne. I offer her the first jar. She opens the lid and tastes the honey. Her dark lips smile.
I offer her the second jar. She opens the lid and tastes the tears. Her dark eyes close.
I offer her the third jar. She opens the lid and studies my heart. Her dark face nods.
I watch my heart crumble to dust in her hands. I taste ash. I feel my muscles rotting, my blood drying, bones bared.
I whisper "remake me" through cracked lips.
She nods.
"I was waiting for that." And then her hand is on my head. And then my bones are clothed in sinew. And then my muscles are clothed in skin. And then my body is clothed in feathers.
She bids me "stand." I do. She bids me "go." And though I do not understand, I turn from her.
"Put your path before me, Lady," I beg.
Then I fly up through the seventh and the sixth gate through the fifth and the fourth gate through the third and the second gate through the first gate.
When I turn and look, the gates have never been there.
In one hand, I hold dust. It is not the same as that I left with. In the other, I hold feathers. They are not the same as those I left with. In my chest, I hold my heart. It is not the same as the one I left with.
I close my eyes and I can see her just--
Katabasis appeared in Into the Great Below: A Devotional to Inanna and Ereshkigal.