Jack of Many Trades

Just Ask, Huh?

Originally posted: 2012-02-13

Just ask for help, goes this week's New Year, New You prompt.

I seriously keep running into prompts that ask me to do things I've just done, and this is yet another one. I just recently admitted at work that I can't actually do everything by myself - it was never supposed to be my job, and no one really expected me to but me, but it was still hard to admit. I'm a huge perfectionist, and I keep forcing myself to be open - because this is my first time doing some of the things involved in my job, and because I'm getting used to a new company's system, and because it was so busy I missed a lot of the "training" type things I might have otherwise gotten. I've overlooked things. I've zigged when it would have been more efficient to zag.

No one has criticized me for this but myself - even the people correcting me are nothing but nice about it. It's my own perfectionism that's chewing on me and I know it.

I just recently asked Amber for help with a chore that had habitually been mine but that I struggled with due to OCD hangups. Yes, I know, I should confront and expose, but I've been confronting and exposing for years and my issue with it has only gotten more complicated. Better to ask her to help with it, and give my brain some time to reset and attack it afresh.

The original prompt specifically mentions starting therapy. This is something that's been on my mind for a little while - a couple of people have asked me about it lately. And in case you're curious, the answer is that it's something I'm definitely considering once my insurance kicks in, but that'll be another two months or so. In the meantime, well, I just can't afford it.

I recognize that it probably would help me, though, which is a huge step for me. For a number of reasons, I used to be terrified of psychologists. I know now that as long as I'm not a danger to myself or others, they can't do anything without my consent... of course, when I was terrified of them, I had more reason to be. I suppose I should be grateful for the progress I've made and worry about taking that step when it's feasible to do so.

Meanwhile, I need more to read. Anyone have any pagan ebooks or small presses they recommend? I'm familiar with Asphodel Press, Bibliotheca Alexandrina, Gullinbursti Press, and Immanion Press/Megalithica Books but I haven't been able to find a good list of pagan ebook publishers anywhere.