You may have noticed that I didn't post about my blacksmithing class last week. That's because I didn't attend - I went to bed sick and woke up sicker, and ended up sleeping thirteen hours. In fact, I've been sick off and on since last weekend, but yesterday I dutifully got up, grabbed breakfast, and showed up at the forge.
By our lunch break, I was nearly ready to pass out. It's hot, and it's hard work, and it's easy for me to make myself sick at the best of times. My temperature regulation hasn't quite recovered from a serious medical issue and I've always been prone to heatstroke, but I'd stuck it out as long as I could because I was already a week behind.
I hate being behind. In elementary school, I was always the kid that wanted to look up from his finished maths worksheet and know I was done first. Whether or not it was correct was of secondary importance.
I went in on Saturday knowing I would have to play catch-up, and knowing that, I only ended up costing myself more time in the long run. (I'll go into more detail on that in another post.) Now I've got another three hours of forge time to make up.
What I need to do, what I have to force myself to do next week, is not worry about being behind. I am essentially taking this class for fun. There's no requirements except that I complete the final project. I'm not being graded on whether I'm ahead or behind. I keep forgetting that I should be enjoying myself and the metal and the art and my reason for doing this. It shouldn't feel like going to church did when I was a kid, even if it's a religious activity for me.
It's okay to be behind and it's okay to play catch up. I just need to relax and enjoy it.