/notes

Putting thoughts into words gets them out of my head. Now they're your problem.

Yesterday you were gods.

“Yesterday you were gods. Today you are mortal. Your death is my gift to you. Accept it with grace and humility.” -Neal Shusterman, Scythe

Posted on 12 March 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Getting Better

I've been out to my family for about nine years now. I actually came out to my parents right after my kid was born, because they sent me and my spouse matching "mom" mugs and I... kind of lost it. My parents aren't perfect but they've got the spirit, and the rest of my family has been varying degrees since then, on a scale of "sends a Christmas card" to "Facebook friends" to "not Facebook friends" to "the uncle who likes Trump so much my dad almost got in a fistfight with him at Thanksgiving dinner".

As you might imagine, said uncle's family is the most conservative and I haven't been in any contact at all with them since I came out. But the other day my mom let me know that one of my aunts- that uncle's wife- had had a stroke and I should send her a get well card.

Now, I could have just ignored this suggestion, but I'm working on being more open with my mom, so I told her I wasn't sure that my aunt would appreciate it, since they haven't talked to me at all since I came out. Since before that, really. My mom said disagreed saying she'd appreciate knowing I was thinking of her, and I left it at that, but I went back and forth for a couple of days.

In the end I sent it, because if it was still bothering me after that it was almost certainly easier to send it and give myself permission to stop thinking about it. Besides which, since they're not in contact with me, if someone's going to complain about it they'll almost certainly do it to my mother and not to me.

It's funny though, because most of the time I don't think of myself as someone who lost family due to being trans. There was no big fallout, after all. I didn't see them much before I came out, either. And nobody ever told me they were doing it, mostly because my family doesn't talk about unpleasant things 90% of the time, so I don't know for sure why they don't talk to me.

But a lot transphobia's like that, like a lot of microaggressions are like that. It's easy to gaslight myself that there must be another reason for it, but there's this pretty obvious one right there in front, and I have to tell myself that it's okay to tell a story without making excuses for the other people in it all the time.

Posted on 09 March 2024 by Jackdaw 3 min

Fire

Fire: This is a great reflection on the element of Fire and makes me want to go back and revisit/rewrite my thoughts on the elements as I work with them

Posted on 25 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Mixtapes by Flamed

This is cool. I want to do something similar for some of my Spotify playlists, annotating them - especially the soundtracks for some of my fiction.

Posted on 18 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Indieweb

not just a neat write-up of thoughts on indieweb stuff but also doubles as some ideas for things I should work on for my site

Posted on 18 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Simone's Internet Degrowth Series

This is a thoughtful little series of posts about one person making conscious choices about where and how one exists on the internet.

Posted on 17 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Blogroll Discussion

discussion about blogrolls with lots of links to see how other people put theirs together. would it make sense to put together a "blogroll" separate from my other links with the feeds I follow?

Posted on 16 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche writes

Dream Yoga

"If we cannot carry our practice into sleep, if we lose ourselves every night, what chance do we have to be aware when death comes? Look to your experience in dreams to know how you will fare in death.” In the Tibetan tradition, the ability to dream lucidly is not an end in itself, rather, it provides additional context in which one can engage in advanced and effective practices to achieve liberation. "We spend one-third of our life, or an average of 20 to 25 years, asleep. Dream yoga is a way to discover in one’s sleep, a hidden space, in which to practice meditation —and further one’s spiritual development. Many people think, “I don’t have time to practice.” But if you use sleep and dream as a way of practicing, it is like discovering many more years of time in your life for practice."

Posted on 16 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

Book Decluttering Count

The Modern Day Alchemist From the Land of the Pharoahs I don’t even really remember why I bought this. Probably when I was in an alchemy mood and it happened to be right there. Easy to donate.

Other donations: Four poetry books Four books I realized I already also have in ebook and don’t feel strongly that I need in hardcover too: (The City of Brass, The Empire of Gold, The House of Shattered Wings, The Left-Handed Booksellers of London)

That’s 9 more donation books, for a total of 18 of my books leaving so far. The outgoing book box also has a few of Bug’s picture books that she’s outgrown.

I’m thinking about decluttering some tarot stuff as well- would people be interested in me posting the decks I’m getting rid of? Priority shipping will be like $10, sheesh, but I figured I’d ask before looking for somewhere else to list them.

Posted on 07 February 2024 by Jackdaw 1 min

To Be Reviewing my TBR (and other books)

[personal profile] littledust mentioned going through a physical TBR this year and I've been playing with really aggressively going through my books for a couple of months now. (The bookshelves are full. I mean, the bookshelves are always full, but still. Very full.)

I went through a period last year and the year before where I was watching a lot of booktube and thinking a lot about the aesthetic of owning nice things, and supporting authors of new releases when I had the money to do so, and just in general was in a maximalist swing. And that's great but having room on my shelves for the books is also great, and honestly there's references I haven't touched in a while on there and books I've not gotten around to re-reading and... just in general I think it's time to go through stuff.

So I pulled down a few random books to look through and I'm hoping to keep going as the year goes on, we'll see. I did this seven or eight years ago and posting about the books as I was deciding seemed to help then too.

I'm thinking I'll start with parenting books, since I acquired a lot of these when Bug was a lot younger.

1) Dharma Family Treasures: Sharing Mindfulness With Children I think this is the only Buddhist parenting book I ended up picking up and it's basically a collection of short writings. Most of the stories in it are about much younger children than Bug is now, though, so it's easy to tag this as donate.

2) Parenting Without Power Struggles This sounded annoying when I read the back cover, but I started skimming it and ended up reading three chapters. It has a lot of short stories about addressing very specific behaviors, each of which fits the general concept that she's getting across in the chapter in slightly different ways. It manages to hit that sweet spot that feels actionable for me, so it's a keep for now.

3) Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking Okay so this book itself seems like it's probably fine, but the copy came from the Deseret Thrift so it's not only full of underlines and annotations but some of them are Book of Mormon references and it's really hard to read that way. So [personal profile] p_cocincinus might look it over but I'm going to err on the side of donate.

4) Mister Rogers' How Families Grow Yes, it's dated, but I still found it useful when I read it. Bug is definitely past the stage of development Mister Rogers specialized in now, though, so I can donate.

5) Rad Dad: dispatches from the frontiers of fatherhood I have a couple of individual issues of this zine kicking around too, but I'm not reviewing zines right now. Anyway, I really liked reading this collection of essays, some better than others, but again, a lot of it is about being new to parenting or just doesn't apply, and I don't see myself re-reading it so I'll donate.

6) The Pagan Family: Handing the Old Ways Down This is a Classic 90s Llewellyn Book with a Classic 90s Llewellyn Cover, and I had to specifically hunt it down when Bug was little because I was looking for ideas about raising a pagan kid. In some ways it very much reflects the Classic 90s Pagan Experience As Described In A Llewellyn Book, considering that it starts off talking about how to handle coven rituals in your house when you have kids before talking about things like teaching your kids mythology, and there is an assumption that you're probably working with the Greeks or Romans or maybe the Celts... which is kind of weird coming from Ceisiwr Serith since I associate him with PIE stuff. I'm going to copy the useful stuff into my grimoire and then let donate before too long.

7) Family Wicca: Practical Paganism for Parents and Children I have another book by this author called Raising Witches in ebook format. In some ways its just as much of its time as the last one, including the introduction making lengthy justification of the use of "s/he" verses "he and/or she" and "they" instead of "he or she" and "hera" and "thealogy" because feminism and using craft names in the book in solidarity with those still in the broom closet and... I'm not even out of the introduction yet, oops. Skimming it just makes me more sure it's not my vibe at all and some of the stories she tells make me kind of uncomfortable and we're not even Wiccan a little bit so... this one's getting a donate too.

There were also three P said could go that I didn't think were worth looking through on my own, and one they definitely wanted to keep, so if I'm keeping count that's a donate score of 9, assuming P doesn't want to keep the written-in one and once I'm done copying out of Pagan Family. I haven't decided yet if I want to actually keep count, guess I'll see how I feel if/when I keep up with this.

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Posted on 01 February 2024 by Jackdaw 5 min